therefore, wander!: Dear Korea,

Stop that. Yes, you, you sly devil. Stop that! You're such a temptress. Making me fall in love with you when you know full well I have plenty of things to be in love with. Like, the U.S. Like, my family. Like, my friends. And then you walk in the room and I can't help but get caught up in the curve of your peninsula and the beauty of your springtime, and your personality. Sure, you have faults. Who doesn't? Your ajummas are a little pushy. Your children don't listen to me most of the time. You don't have a lot of products that I love. Hell, your shoes don't even fit me that well. And my god, your winters are hellish.

But then you pull me back. Another flower blooms, or someone on the street says hello (my students, the girl I know from the market, a stranger!). Or a huge meal costs me 5 dollars. Or I understand someone when they speak in your language! I speak in your language and someone understands ME, rejoice!

What do I miss about home? A million and one things. Everything. All of it. (that's not totally true)

What do I love about Korea? A million and one things. Everything. All of it. (that's not totally true)

But I fall in love so easily. With ideas. With (as Plato might tell me) forms. But the phenomena, the realia--those are so far from perfect. Everything. All of it. So how do you choose between two imperfect things that you (despite that) love so dearly.

If I stay, I'll be making money--a fact that is undeniably, incontrovertibly good. (As I see it, at least).
I'll be near friends; I'll still be young; I'll be able to travel; I'll be able to continue to live in the free and independent manner that I've grown so accustomed to.

If I go, I'll be there for some babies that I love dearly, a family I love dearly, friends I love dearly. I'll start real life (ready or not) sooner. I'll be able to get a puppy. I'll have great weather all the time. I'll be able to drive my car along the coast with the windows down.

The flow of life comes so rapidly, so powerfully--I can't help but imagine that once I'm caught up in it, there's no turning back. Two roads diverged--knowing how way leads on to way...I learned from those great poets. I listened in high school. But I also listened to those beyond me in the way of life. Those who spoke so often of regret. Of moments missed, of time not spent with those we love. And it all comes down to this moment. The moment of choice. Everyone's talked about it, written about it, sung about it, lamented about it. I can't add anything to those before except for my own concrete decision which is not yet a thing. For so many opportunities shunned (always) and so many new opportunities created.

So, Korea. Where do you stand in my life? I'd like to tell the whole world right now that I'm sorry I'm a commitment-phobe. And I'm sorry that I worry too much about seeming clingy...Korea, I'm not clinging to you, I promise. But you seem right somehow. But so does following the original plan.

I can't give you an answer now. In all reality, you haven't even asked me for an answer. I'm just preemptively worrying, as I do. But keep in mind, Korea...if your summer is mild and somewhat mosquito free...you're making a good case for yourself!

So, let's see how that goes.

Love you, (and you too, America...and everyone, really)
Emily

(because I seem stuck on these kinds of blogs (travel writing...WHY YOU SO HARD?)...I'll give you a photoblog of the months prior, as a way of catching up, after the break!)

A selection of photos from the past few months: